Men are visual creatures and women know it. That’s probably part of the reason women are so obsessed with their appearances. So in an attempt to attract the opposite sex, women have scrambled to perfect their outer beauty thinking it will give them the man they desire. They go straight for the weight loss program or tighter clothes; to fake nails and fake hair and whatever other body piece you can buy. I don’t believe men are excluded from this thought pattern either; thinking that perhaps if they look more athletic or built that they can get the girl.
But everyone is missing the point.
I too have suffered from the delusion that if I was “prettier” (whatever THAT means) that the man I was attracted to would be more attracted to me. I think if this equation turns out to be true, there’s a huge problem. Why wasn’t the guy attracted to me before? And when I’m not as worldly pretty later, (because my body WILL age whether I give it permission to or not) will that attraction cease to exist? What a terrible condition to put a relationship on!
There is nothing wrong with being outwardly beautiful. There is no sin in being attractive. There is a problem, however, when you’re more concerned about the outside then the inside. Ultimately, it’s the inside that attracts people. You can be the most handsome/beautiful/fit/athletic person in the universe, but if you have no inner beauty, you’re going to find yourself with few friends and fewer meaningful relationships.
So what are the elements of inner beauty?
#1– How You Treat Others
There’s an old saying that goes, “If you want to know how a man will treat his wife, watch the way he treats his mother.” People watch how you treat others. When you don’t think you are being watched, you are. How do you treat someone who treats you badly? How do you treat a rough relationship with a family member? How do you treat someone in need? How do you treat strangers and guests? Do you blame others for your mistakes and mishaps? Do you gossip and complain about others’ faults constantly? These are all things you need to take an honest look at, and seek God’s help with your weaknesses.
#2– How You Treat Yourself
Do you put yourself first? Do you put yourself down? Do you sit and think about how much better other people are then you? Do you sit and think about how great you are compared to other people? There is a problem with all of these. Whether or not you put yourself higher or lower then others in terms of worth, either side is equally wrong. We all have our strengths and weaknesses and should handle them accordingly, not give ourselves a score based on them.
Don’t mix what I’m saying about self-worth with humility. Humility has to do with being honest. Self-worth has to do with giving yourself a grade based on your own analysis, which will always turn out to be incorrect. God’s all ready given you an A+, and any other grade given is inaccurate. This doesn’t mean we are without our weaknesses; even if we receive and A+ on a test, this does not mean we didn’t struggle with any of the questions. But God has created everyone equal in worth. So be confident in your accomplishments (humbly) and be aware of your weaknesses, but do not score yourself.
#3– How You Treat God
Whatever you put before God — whatever your idol is — affects your inner beauty. When we are attached to Christ, our lives produce “fruit” (John 15:5; Galatians 5:22-23) that nourish our inner beauty. Away from Christ, we produce a chaotic mess that ruins our inner beauty. Your idol can be anything: a person, a sin, or even outward beauty. These things may temporarily supply some inner beauty, but once your idol takes you down, it takes whatever inner beauty you thought you had with it.
And at another angle, how is your faith? Do you curse God and give up hope whenever a bad situation appears? Or do you hold fast to God and wait on Him, believing that He knows your every need and will provide for you? Faith is a muscle that affects your inner beauty. When you trust and are joyful in the Lord, people will find joy in your company.
Although our outward beauty is nothing to take for granted, our inner beauty is far more important a vineyard to tend to. Inner beauty always upstages outer beauty. Inner beauty is what really attracts the opposite sex to us, and keeps them coming back for more.
Verses to Think About
Charm is deceptive, and beauty does not last; but a woman who fears the Lord will be greatly praised.
1 Peter 3:3-4
Don’t be concerned about the outward beauty of fancy hairstyles, expensive jewelry, or beautiful clothes. You should clothe yourselves instead with the beauty that comes from within, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is so precious to God.
1 Samuel 16:7
But the Lord said to Samuel, “Don’t judge by his appearance or height, for I have rejected him. The Lord doesn’t see things the way you see them. People judge by outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.”