At one time or another, every single woman has thought to herself, “Why can’t I find a real man?” However, it seems that no one has really defined what a “real man” is. The media has its own opinion on the matter, throwing in generalized male stereotypes at every twist and turn, but are these types of guys really considered “real men?” Do these chick flick dream guys make the cut?
So what do women need? What are the qualifications for strong men?
If a man can’t lead his own life, he’s going to have a hard time leading a household. Not all men are born leaders and that’s fine, but a man who is fickle with decisions or can’t discipline and organize his own life probably won’t be much help when the kids come around. A real man should be able to lead his life well to show that he has the ability to lead a household.
Whoever said “Men are only after one thing” wasn’t totally off. Men are programmed for sex and that’s not a bad thing, but lack of self-control in that department is. Self-control also applies to anger, violence, and spending habits. A real man has self-control because it’s a sign of maturity.
Nothing against shy guys, but assertiveness is a good trait to have. Assertiveness shows a woman that a man can put his foot down when it’s needed and shows a woman how capable he is in protecting her. No woman looks at a doormat and thinks that if push comes to shove that’s the guy that’s going to step up and speak up for her in her time of need. A real man is assertive because that shows a woman he can stand his ground.
The bum in front of his XBox may be adorable, but if he’s still living in his mom’s house without a job, then chances are he’s not mature enough to take care of a family. Related to this, any man who only does half of a job isn’t the kind to be desired either. A real man should work hard and put in his best.
Don’t get “kindness” confused with “doormat.” Kindness is when a man shows that he can be considerate of others and that he’s not simply out for himself. Let’s face it: if a guy is a jerk to others, he’ll end up being a jerk to you too. Even if by some chance he doesn’t, he will still influence your children. A child will pick up on the way he treats others and is bound to mimic it.
These are the traits that define a real man, not the Hollywood stereotypes. There are a few types that women should really avoid despite their attraction to them:
Types of Men Women Should Avoid
#1 Don Juan
Women are romantics. They love the fairytale prince that says all the right words and makes grand gestures of affection. Don Juan types know this. They know all the right words and all the right plays to get exactly what they want.
Men that say all the right things at all the right times probably don’t mean half of what they say. Chances are you’re not the only one they’ve spoken sweet nothings to. Romance in a game to Don Juans; they like to see how many women they can get to swoon over them. It’s bragging rights. I actually knew two guys in high school that had a competition to see how many girlfriends they could get in one year.
Don Juans aren’t worth a woman’s time. They have no respect for women and they don’t intend on sticking around.
#2 The People Pleaser
I think of The People Pleaser as the extreme cousin of Mr. Nice Guy. The problem with The People Pleaser is that he is more concerned with everyone being happy all the time than with putting his foot down when it’s needed. He’s wants to avoid confrontation to the point where he lacks discipline and assertiveness.
The People Pleaser is genuinely considerate, however, his extreme concern for making everyone happy makes him easy to manipulate by others. Sooner or later he ends up being resentful because nothing he does makes anyone happy. The weight he takes on by trying to make everyone happy will end up crashing into your lap.
Women don’t need a people pleaser. They need a kind leader. Know the difference.
#3 The Hulk
It doesn’t matter how well he treats you, a guy with a temper is a bad idea. No matter the situation, a guy who can’t control his anger is a man that lacks maturity and self-control. Real men need both of these traits.
It’s natural for a woman to want a man who can protect her, but a guy that can’t pick his battles wisely is more a threat to a woman than her bodyguard. This is a huge red flag that suggests verbal or physical abuse towards you in the future. It doesn’t matter how nice he is to you now, it doesn’t matter that you can see his inner soft spot, all that matters is he lacks self-control and you’re putting yourself in danger.
Life isn’t a chick flick, ladies. Don’t expect one of these guys to fall in love with you then change his misguided ways. You don’t want these types of guys; you want to find a real man.
What Happened to All the Real Men?
Women look for men with strong character. They want firm leaders, great providers, and disciplined fathers. When they find a man that they believe to be these things, they nab them.
Then as girlfriends and wives they tell men when to mow the lawn, decide where and when they’re going out, and then refuse to let the man pay because they are quite capable of taking care of themselves.
A man wants to be the man in a relationship. A woman wants the man to be the man in the relationship. Yet the woman still ends up trying to be the man in a relationship. Sometimes it seems like women are so determined to show their equality that they forget their fulfilling roles as women.
Modern culture has blurred the lines of gender roles, bent on proving that women can do anything a man can do. That’s true. I don’t think anyone really disputes this statement. But in trying to act like men, we’ve decreased the percentage of the “real men” we keep searching for but can’t find.
Does that mean that women should give up all we’ve accomplished– give up our careers and independence? No, of course not. However, if we let men lead the relationship instead of trying to take over everything ourselves, we might find that men can actually rise to the occasion, and with a little discipline and confidence they can become the “real men” we want to find.
Now, I’m not talking about women that have to take on the male role to make a household survive. Women who take on the role of provider due the absence of a husband or a husband who is unable to take care of his family because of medical issues are commendable women. I’m talking about women who try to take on the male role because of impatience or pride. If a woman wants the man to be the man in the relationship, a woman has to accept her role as woman.
Yes, it’s true that a real man is rare and hard to find, but never settle for something less. A relationship founded on “well, I can’t find anything better” won’t last and isn’t worth it. Save out for a real man. He’s worth it.