Breakups suck. Our hearts don’t like letting go of someone after spending so much time getting to know them. And after the breakup, there are times when memories overwhelm us and we find ourselves missing that person even when we know the relationship was unhealthy or heading nowhere. That kind of nostalgia can become addicting. Here are a few things to do to keep yourself from getting sucked into the black hole of reminiscence.

#1 – Grieve
We may push down grief and refuse to deal with it properly when we think there’s no reason to cry over it, but pain can go on forever if we don’t grieve when it’s necessary. It doesn’t matter if the cut to your heart was made last week or if the cut was made ten years ago – it’s okay to grieve the pain you’re feeling. Avoid the temptation to wallow in self-pity; just release any emotion that has its hold on you by doing something that helps you grieve, whether it’s praying, crying, writing, or talking to someone.

#2 – Look at the Big Picture
After you’ve grieved, you need to remember why it didn’t work out in the first place. Accept the situation with a forgiving spirit. Don’t make a list of why your ex was a terrible person, but feel free to state the struggles that would have arisen if you two had stayed together. Think about what you’ve learned since your breakup. How have you matured in character? What have you learned about relationships in general? How have you spiritually grown? Once you’ve meditated on how far you’ve come, decide on where you’re heading next.

#3 – Get Busy
If you’re sitting around thinking about your ex, it’s time to find something else to do. Get to work on that great novel you’ve always wanted to write, volunteer at a local charity, or call up a friend for coffee. Do something creative, fun, and enriching. Wave goodbye to your past life and embrace your future. You can and will have good times once again. Don’t lose hope – keep moving forward.

What not to do when you miss them:
Contact your ex – When you miss someone, it’s tempting to talk to them again for a quick emotional fix, but that route will only end with you missing them more. You’ll walk away feeling worse. Talk to a friend, pastor, or counselor instead.

Pull out the photo album and go to old hangouts – Looking at pictures of you two at the beach or heading down to the restaurant where you had your first date will tempt you to stay in the past more than it will encourage you to move forward. Find adventure in new places that are free of bittersweet memories.